In How to Make a Life, Ida Amdur and her daughter, Bessie, flee a pogrom in Ukraine for America.  Once there, family secrets, betrayals and mistakes made in the name of love undermine the lives of their children and grandchildren, who must take comfort in the bonds of family—and find the courage to forgive. The book is peopled with family members in four generations, giving readers characters to connect with in each generation.

Readers ask, “Which characters are your favorites?”  “Do you think Ida ever forgives Bessie?” “Should Faye have given Karen the money to travel to India?” “Which stories are real and came from your family?”  

Soon people are relating their own lives to the events and characters in the book.  “Ruby reminds me of my aunt or sister or grandmother,” they say.  And they share the pains and joys of their own experiences.  It is always a warm and intimate conversation with the perceptive and thoughtful readers in book clubs. 

How to Make A Life Book Club Discussion Guide

1.    How to Make a Life is a book about a large family, and it has many characters over four generations. Which, if any characters did you find particularly appealing or interesting? Why? Did any of them remind you of your own family members? How?

 2.   How one generation’s choices and actions affect the next generation is an important theme in How to Make a Life. What are the ways this is expressed in the book through the generations? Have you experienced or seen repeated generational themes in your own life and family?

 3.   Most families have secrets. What were the secrets that Weissman family members kept from one another and what impact did these secrets have?

 4.   The matriarch of the family, Ida, and her daughter Bessie, have had unimaginable losses in their lives. How did they cope with their losses?

 5.    In what ways does Ruby’s mental illness affect the family? Do you know someone in your life whose mental health or physical health needs impacted on your family’s functioning? How did this affect your family?

6.     Bessie and Abe make a bargain with Victor to get him to marry Ruby? Did they think this was a fair and just bargain?  What were the family’s feelings about it?  What were the consequences of this agreement?

7.     Jenny is the self-described “Watcher” of Ruby. How does this responsibility frame her life? Who benefited from this arrangement?  How?

8.     Morris has struggled his whole life with making decisions and taking action quickly. How did this affect him and his self-esteem?

9.     Jenny’s betrayal of Ruby has an impact on the family. Do you think Ruby knew and if, so, what did it do to her? Who else did it affect in the family?

10.   Sarah struggles her whole life with the fear that she is like her mother Ruby. How is she similar to Ruby? How is she different?

11.   Why do you think Irene is willing to take responsibility for Charles Conyers, and how does that help her?

12.   Faye, in many ways, is a rebel in the family, as shown by her marriage to Angelo. But her decision to give her niece Karen money for a trip to India against Karen's parents’ wishes has enormous consequences. Do you understand Faye’s decision and think you would have made it? What was the impact of the decision on the family, on Faye, on her sisters?